pissed ramblings

So, where I come from, people work 9-5 week days, maybe hang with some friends after work, get to bed at a decent hour, repeat. Here’s the thing about Los Angeles: work at 9am get off at 5, get dressed and out the door by 6, drink $5 martinis til the floor spins with a struggling actor and/or musician, get home around 3, get up at 8… every…single…fucking…day. I moved to Los Angeles when I was 18, and I hadn’t the slightest clue as to what the FUCK was going on.

i survived 2 years, no problem. Moved around some. Settled in an awesome apartment in West Hollywood between santa monica and melrose. Thats when I broke into the routine.

So one night, I go out with a friend from school and her girl friends that I had never met. We pre-gamed at her house, and by pre-game i mean we threw back about 7 shots of vodka each, it seemed pretty mellow. Pretty funny, being punk rock in a group of girlies. I figured i would get hammered and shameless dance to Lady Gaga with them anyway. We cabbed it to Cahuenga and hit Beauty Bar first to see some friends of mine to get some free drinks. They have this drink that comes out of a dispenser kinda like Jager, but not. And they make you chase it with a whole glass of ginger ale. Basically, what I had heard from the first time I took it a couple months before is, you feel baked and drunk at the same time. easy shwayze. It did. So i decided it would be fun for tonight. Shot, check. Moving on to The Room. Walked in the front door… and then nothing. Couple hours later, throwing up at My House. How the fuck did we get in to My House? Then nothing.

Come to it, I am walking barefoot down the street that was OBVIOUSLY not anywhere NEAR where I was supposed to be, carrying my marc jacobs cowboy boots with one leg of my nylons missing. Oh yeah, and I was alone. Sweet Tits. Why had they dropped me off so far from my house?? ugh. God knows how but I stayed pretty calm… I was completely wasted and underage. I walked for, seemingly, a long time before I realized that I recognized the names of the streets but could not for the life of me stay focused long enough to figure out which direction I was walking in. BTW, i had forgotten to pay my phone bill so I could only get incoming calls. Brilliant.

WAIT WHERE THE FUCK IS MY WALLET AND PHONE!? goddamnit.. maybe I will try to put my boots on. Left foot, on. Right foot.. I cant fucking get my foot in. ugh oh well, forget the boots.

Keep walking, I realize fuck it all if a cop sees me I am going to be screwed. Boots on, attempt 2. What the hell is in here? I stuck my hand in like a genius, WALLET! PHONE! WHOOT WHOOT! small moment of victory. Then, in all my glory I stuck my thumb out and a car came screeching to a halt. Sweet Tits.

I didn’t get killed, so that was lucky. I think he realized that  I was too drunk to even know where I was going. While I was in the car my phone rang and I burst into tears while my friend eric, who was back in San Diego was extremely confused by what was actually happening. I spit out my roommates phone number, which I didnt even know I had memorized, and begged him to call her. This part is all very hazey. He hales me a cab, I jump in scream MELROSE AND STANLEY. I tell him I only have a credit card and he doesn’t charge me. He asks me if I was ok and I told him where I woke up and he told me it was about 5 miles from my house and at least 3 from Cahuenga. WHAA?? I thank him and sprint all the way from the corner into my apartment, and laugh hysterically as I make some chicken nuggets and pass out in my crumbs.

Here’s the best part. The next day, I decided to take a walk to the friends house to get my stuff. I get there and ask “Why did you guys drop me off so far from my house?” She got this terrifying look on her face and said, “dude, we dropped you off in front of your house and watched you walk in your gate…” I definitely walked 7 miles on my own AWAY from my house and got lost.. blacked out.

champ.

(3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

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Two weeks ago, one of my friends had a house party. Because i had been drinking the night before i decided not to have alot at the party – how naive of me?!. All i took was a small bottle of vodka. When i arrived a bunch of my mates were playing a drinking game, so i joined in. The vodka was gone in an hour and i was starting to feel thirsty. One of my mates is a really bad lightweight, one beer and he is hugging the toilet! He brought a crate of fosters and he had 3 and was paraletic, so gave me the rest. I got through them pretty quick so went outside for a cigarette and i felt fine but walking outside was like hitting a brick wall! I dont remember much after that point but the bits i do remember are: taking half a bottle of southern comfort and drinking it straight, drinking 3 pints one after the other and throwing up in a washing machine. I decided it was time to go home, so on the way i was flagging taxis and trying to get them to give me a free lift because i had no cash and none of them would of course. Next thing i heard was a loud car horn, and i was lying in the road after getting clipped by a taxi. I felt fine and stood up, the driver was so appologetic and gave me a lift home. The next morning i woke up and could not move my leg from were the taxi hit me, i had a clip on earing on, different shirt, a bra in my pocket and i had two different shoes on neither of which were mine. Crazy but brilliant night!

(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

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So I get on MSN just to see my friend’s status “omg I’m never having so much to drink and repeating what I did two days ago”. Curious what my best friend could have gotten up to I asked. Wrong move.

She went into detail telling me how she had gotten drunk and had sex with a guy, and in the middle of the act she got her period. By the time they were finished they had blood all over their legs the bed was a mess. I’ve seen this chick masturbate with a flashlight whilst drunk, but this is still the most awkward moment in my life. Overdose of too much information deluxe :c

(2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)

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This is my first blog so bare with me here…

So I’m on facebook and who do I get a fuckin friend request from? My long lost father. I haven’t seen this nigga in 16 years n he just hits me up like, “Whats good?!” Being that I’m a grown ass man, had a child, went to college and all kinds of shit, I let bygones be bygones. So he invites me to his house in Mississippi for the week and I accept. I get out there and we’re smokin blunts and drinkin Tequila together like old pals. He tells me about this great casino named the Beau Rivage. He says, “Yeah we can go ball til we fall. They love me in there!” So the following night we cruise down to the Beau Rivage hotel and casino in Biloxi, MS. Its a real nice kinda place. I just turned 21 two months before going so I was on the drinks HARDBODY. We’re at the blackjack table fuckin up the game. I blew $500 in less than 15 minutes, but it wasn’t my money so who gives a shit. The waitress is bringing me Patron on the rocks back to back, my “dad” is drinking Henny. So after blowing a nice amount of money, we hit the buffet. Ordered two bottles of wine and enjoyed a delicious meal of assorted bourgouise food (I got the waitress’ number of course). After we stuffed ourselves we walk outside to the fountain. We’re taking pictures in the water and splashing each other and just having fun.At this point I’m pretty drunk, but I didn’t realize it yet. He tells me the Hard Rock Cafe is next door and he thinks it would be a more comfortable environment for us to enjoy ourselves. After we act a damn fool taking pictures in front of the fountain we smoke two blunts on the stroll to the Hard Rock. As soon as I hit the door I knew I was fucked over. We go in the Hard Rock and they’re on the slots pretty hard. I cop a spot between two empty machines and the room starts spinning. My dad comes and rescues me with a chair and brings me to the machine they were on. I sat there for all of 30 seconds before I threw up ALL OVER him. It was purple and chunky from the wine and buffet. When I realized he was cool is when he looks me dead in the eye and says, ” Ok, we’re even”. LoL… For the rest of the night we partied like rockstars and didn’t give a fuck what anyone had to say. Of course we left the Hard Rock and went back to the Beau Rivage. We went straight to the bar and he ordered me a double Patron on the rocks. We sat talked for a while and did some slut scoping. After a while he decided he was ready to go. My uncle B was also there with us. He said he found a machine he thought was hot and he said I had the magic touch. My dad gave me a $20 bill and I played it. I pushed the button about 15-20 times and won $1500. Overall, it was a good night:)

(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

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So I know the saying never get high off your own supply…..well last night I did the opposite. Let’s start from the begining. I’m a promo girl for a well known liq company. I don’t know why I did it but I did it. I started my 2 hour shift with a shot, next thing I know 30 minutes in I had 4 maybe 5 shots of our tequilla.I could barely stand up let alone explain the product to the customers. My heels were killing me and I was stumbling everywhere. Everyone was laughing and they kept buying bottles so that I would do shots with them. At the end of my 2 hours I was just awful. I could barely stand up or stop laughing. Everyone was laughing. The only plus is I don’t have a hangover today……it’s some damn good tequilla

(2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)

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I missed Friday night at the bar last week because I had to go pick up a family member who’d gotten themselves in a world of shit, so I missed the first day of celebrating Birdies birthday. Birdies not a boyfriend or anything hes just a fellow drunk and bed buddy.
Friday was Birdies birthday. He started celebrating last nigThursday. At one point he had a ride home from the bar, but declined it to stay a little longer and have a taxi take him home. When the taxi showed up they took someone else, leaving Birdie to walk home.

At around 2 am I was woken up suddenly by the strident voice of a lady cop screaming on the police scanner. She was trying to do a traffic stop. “They’re not stopping!” She was yelling at dispatch and giving her position every intersection because she was driving through the back streets of our loverly fair city at 2 am at 70 mph.

At the same time, a cop on the southside of the freeway called in a “ped check” which is cop speak for “gonna find out why this fucker is wandering around” I heard the cop “Out with one at the railroad tracks, south of the I 10″.

At 2:04 am the lady cop was chasing the car all over the northeast corner of Broken Wallet and was calling dispatch to say that the car slowed and rolled long enough for 2 people to jump out and one run north on San G and one ran south. Two different cop cars took off after these guys. One of the cops stopped some poor Mexican guy who wasn’t involved and harrassed him with great vigor for several minutes.

The lady cop continued following the car as it sped away, chasing them toward the freeway at 90 mph. The cops involved in the ped check radioed dispatch to break off the ped check and jumped on the freeway to help chase the car as it sped eastbound.

The chase continued onto the I 10 before two CHP units took over, two Broken Wallet units continued following the CHP. The chase hit 115 miles per hour before finally ending near Haugen Lehman at the I 10.

I was sitting up in bed at this point listening. It was about 2:40 am. While I’m sitting there the phone goes off. It is Birdie, leaving me a message, he is drunk and slurring and breathing heavily….”Hi, I got something to top all your shit that you’re doing. Call me. You oughta hear this stupid shit. I’m bleeding”

Ok…so I called. He is as drunk as he can get. He is telling me….I’m bleeding, my tooth fell out. He’s not making a lot of sense over the phone. Finally he says, “Just come over” So, at 3 am, I jump into the Warwagon and drive to the other end of town to find Birdie, covered in blood.

Well, not covered. He’d had a bloody nose, his tooth was knocked out. He had one fuck all of a fat, torn, bloody lip. His one hand looked like someone had punched holes in it and an elbow had a bloody hole in it. He wasn’t sober.

So, I start cateloging the injuries while he tells his story. His hand with the holes in it was caused, quote, by “Holly the hooker jumping on me at the bar and then we fell over” I choke back a moment of irrational jealousy and go on the the other arm. “Oh, thats where I fell over when he pushed me and then I landed on my face and my tooth popped out….I’ll never smile again! I have no tooth!”

So, the story goes…..He left the bar at closing. He was walking south on San G toward his house, staggering actually….at this point in the narrative he stands and demonstates with his arms outstretched and staggers about his room….and as he got near the railroad tracks he sees Broken Wallets finest driving toward him. So he stops. He says, “I was hoping they would drive me home” Which is logical because I remember thinking the same thing myself a few weeks ago after a particularly drunken evening. Though I don’t know why because the last thing the cops in this town wanna do is drive a drunk home. So, he stopped. And the cops turned around and did a “ped check” on him.

First they asked him what he was doing and Birdie, being the smart ass that he is says, “I’m drunk and walking home. I didn’t want to drive drunk….what do you think I’m doing” Then they ask him his name and as per usual he says, “Hi! My name is Birdie!” in THAT tone of voice but of course using his real name. Then he put his hands in his pockets which pissed the cop off and they told him to put his arms out, then to put them on top of his head. Then they pulled his ID out of his back pocket. Then he relaxed and put his hands in his pockets which pissed the cops off again, so they yelled at him and had him waving his arms around like a jumping jack. He demonstrates this for me also. Then he says that he was being pushed around by this little cop. This little young cop…..Birdie is like in his 50s….and Birdie says to the cop…”Hey little boy, that uniform is too big for you….Did your Momma dress you this morning?”

Then, the cops get a radio call. On my end of the scanner I’m hearing the cops radio dispatch that they’re breaking off the ped check to go help chase the car down the freeway. On Birdies end of the situation he says the cops just took the call, pushed him over onto the ground, landing him on his elbow and face, popping his tooth out, threw his wallet at his head and left.

He says it took him about 10 minutes to stand back up, realize he couldn’t find his tooth and stagger (demonstrating again) home. 

He laughed about it until around 5 am which is when I fell asleep. I assume he stopped laughing about it eventually because when I woke up about 7:30 he was asleep. I’m glad I’m not him this morning because in addition to the cuts, scrapes, missing tooth, fat lip and bruises I’m sure he has one motherfuck all of a hangover.

Happy Birthday, Dude. At least this one you’ll remember for awhile.

(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

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Well… the title kind sums it up for this one…

Went out for a few brews the night before Good Friday, and ended up at the tote.

I thought I was OK, but according to the next day, it appears a few too many jugs were consumed, but hey I’m still kickin, and ready for another crack.

So anyway, it was about time to leave, and on the way out I could have sworn I saw the Doctor from JJJ, surrounded by ladies. On taking a close look, sure enough, it was he.

Nobody would believe me, so as he was walking past to leave, I just grabbed his arm to ask if it was him. He could have said ‘peanut butter sandwich’ and it would have been obvious, the radio voice shone right through. He almost seemed pleased to see us, as if he’d been waiting all night to have a chat.

Ended up talking about their call with Ben Harper that morning, and found that Harper wasn’t really his taste in music, but was cool to chat with him none the less.

Had a quick taxi ride home, via McDonalds, then when we got home, I was still awake on a mini high from the run in with the doctor that I couldn’t help but tell the whole story (extended version) to my partner… which to my surprise actually listened and didn’t tell me to shutup

Pity I forgot to post about that last decent night out… long story short, we ended up back at my place eating celery for 2 hours since that was the only food we could find.

(2 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)

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last night i walked into a bar to hang out with a friend, not to meet men, not really even to drink, just to have fun and catch up with her. my friend is the bartender which tends to leave me sitting alone quite often but i am ok with that as sometimes it is nice to be alone and just “watch”.

at one point a man walks up to me and asks if he can sit down next to me. i didn’t care because there weren’t too many open seats at the bar and i didn’t care to be rude because it wasn’t as if i was saving that seat for anyone anyways. this guy sits down next me and doesn’t say too much, he’s more or less listening to what my friend and i are talking about. he then decides to chime in. under normal circumstances i would welcome a comment or some input however this guy was an absolute turd.  my friend and i were discussing men and the games they play based on some recent occurances in both of our lives when this guy decides to chime in with, “well what makes you so special?” i ignore the comment.

after about 20 minutes the guy (i’m going to keep referring to him as “the guy” because i did not care to get his name or any other information about him) asks me if he could buy me a drink. i politely declined. he asked why a girl would come to a bar and not want a guy to buy her a drink. i told him, “not every girl wants a guy to buy her a drink, not every girl wantsto drink…” he says “that’s weird”. i turn my back to him due to the fact that he was staring at me like a serial killer stares at his victim before kidnapping her and then cutting off her skin to make a suit. he leaves me alone for about 10 minutes as i begin chatting up these two older men across the bar, talking about music and what not as they were stoked on the music i had been playing on the juke box. the guy then proceeds to ask me if i really know music or if i am just pretending to impress the men. i viewed this as obnoxious and ignored the comment yet again as i try to be tolerant of the drunktards that i come into contact with.

i didn’t actually become upset with him until he asked me if i had a boyfriend. it wasn’t the simple question of “do you have a boyfriend?” that actually upset me but what followed. i told him, “i don’t have a boyfriend, i am married.” now anyone who knows me knows that not only am i not married but i do not have a boyfriend either but this guy doesn’t know that as he has never met me. he then proceeded to ask me “what kind of whore are you that you can come out to a bar and talk to guys while your husband is at home?” i looked at him and said, “it’s called trust… now please leave me alone.” he continued on rambling drunk nothingness and i attempted to ignore him but it got increasingly difficult as he was moving in on my territory. now a woman like me values my personal space; if you are within elbow room of me and you are not asked to be there… we have a problem. 

this guy is continuing to run his mouth and he then says, “i am going to encroach my hand onto your leg.” i then responded with “if you encroach your hand on my leg i am going to encroach my fist onto your face… now back off!” all the men around the bar started to cheer because they had been watching what was going on with this pathetic poor sap and were probably waiting for something like this to happen. my comment infuriated this guy and he said, “you are a cold hearted tattooed snobby bitch!” i looked at him and said, “why don’t you leave.” then i got up to go to the restroom. he said, “finally the bitch leaves!” i shot him a look. when i came back from the restroom he was gone and i was relieved but it was a short lived relief period because apparently he was just outside smoking a cigarette (gross) and he decided that he wanted to come back in for some more abuse.

he sits down next to me and begins running his mouth yet again but at this point it is very hard to understand what he is saying as he is pretty drunk and is just spewing the retarded ass bullshit that pops into his pathetic little drunk ass brain. he starts to lean on me when my friend says, “uh uh! no leaning on her or i’m gonna have to ask you to leave.” he then yells (at me), “you are a snobby snobby snobby bitch!” and i just said, “F*CK YOU GO HOME!” so at this point i am actually quite aggrivated as he is not quite getting the non-subtle hints that i am giving. he keeps running his mouth and then all the sudden as if a change of heart says, “i’dlike to take you out because i love redheads and you are a beautiful redhead and i think you are amazing.” WOAA PUMP THOSE BREAKS BIG BOY. i shook my head, got up and walked away.

so fellas, in order to get a girl you need to be not so “IN YOUR FACE” about it and just freakin’ relax. BREATHE! It’s ok!  that’s the first point that needs to be made… RELAX quit acting desperate! if a woman is interested in you she will make it known even if she’s shy and it’s inadvertently done… it will be done. you will know that she is interested. you do not need to keep pushing the issue, touching her, hitting on her, running your mouth, or being a dumb dick.

if a woman says she does NOT want you to buy her a drink then DON’T buy her a freakin drink and don’t force the issue. not all women like to go out and get trashed… DEAL WITH IT! the world will not end because she does not want to drink a beverage that you want to purchase for her. your life will go on, you will still have your penis at the end of the night; that is, unless she is crazy and you refuse to leave her alone but that’s a story for a different day and totally different animal all together! 

if a woman is not accepting your advances it does not mean that you are a worthless piece of crap (unless you are of course) it just simply means she is not that into you! get over it! don’t continue to push yourself on her. don’t get angry. just walk away. w a l k  a w a y.

when you get completely shut down do not start throwing the insults at her in a little three year old type tantrum as so many of you do. DO NOT call her a bitch. do not try to act all hard or tough because you feel as though your ego has just taken a blow… it hasn’t! it just means, yet again as i have stated before, that she is truly not into you. view it as a favor, she is saving YOU the trouble so that you don’t spend all this time on her when she isn’t feelin’ it. she is allowing you the ability to pass her and go to the next unsuspecting victim so that when the night is over if you go home alone, it is not HER fault because you didn’t waste time on her. be happy.

and lastly when all else fails, and by all else i mean being polite at the start, then moving onto rude, nasty, crude, dirty, bag of dicks, douche bag, drunk ass, dickhead, etc. etc., DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT, try to back pedal and act like none of the previous actions have taken place – THEY HAVE! there is no undoing your previous assholeness. sorry, just can’t be done. ever. you already over stepped the line. so please don’t ask her out on a date because then you turn from dickhead to complete and utter idiot. which in my opinion it is worse to be absolutely stupid or an idiot than it is to be a dickhead. take what happened to me last night as a perfect example of what NOT to do. you will not get a number, you will not “score” and to top it off all the other people in the area will be making fun of you and it will be very apparent. if you ever get that feeling, that instant fear, that people are laughing at you – they are and you know what, it’s your own damn fault for being an idiot.

so men, turds, dickheads, drunktards, idiots, please please please read this. understand it. i may only be one woman but i speak for many.

have a good one!  <3

(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

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so yesterday i hit up my cousin to see what he was up to that evening because i was freakin bored… he wasn’t doin much so i said “lets meet at the underground” (my regularly visited neighborhood bar) www.myspace.com/redlandsunderground so we went down there and i had every intention of having A BEER or two possibly because i had things to do today (wednesday like contracting with Paul Mitchell… WOO HOO)… whew did that blow up in my face! my friend phu www.myspace.com/phupham   showed up and that just added to my not having A DRINK because i had already had A DRINK by the time he arrived so I had to have another… and another… and another… WHEW! BUT with all the calories i was consuming i was burning them off because i had to keep running up the stairs (the bar is 6+ feet underground) to shut the effing door because effing turds kept leaving it open… IT WAS LIKE 40 DEGREES OUTSIDE! WTF PEOPLE!!! so yeah i made about 40 trips up and down the stairs to close the door… ANYWAYS…

we decided, actually i decided, it was time to do a shot since the britney spears wannabe was doing one and it looked tasty. she was a wreck by the way! 

lets go back in time a bit… britney spears wannabe came parading down the stairs yelling at the bartender (apparently yelling her name but it sounded like gibberish to me) with her hat all cocked sideways… cute? no… then she started hanging on every dude in the bar. granted it was tuesday night and the bar was pretty much empty but still!!! have some class! she THEN proceeded to give this little oompa loompa of a man a lap dance with lots of “britney wannabe” leg kicks that just looked ridiculous! she was a skank.

fast forward.

so britney wannabe was ordering a shot and it looked tasty so i decided to partake in the fun and games and order cactus coolers for me and my two home slices and they were fantastic… oh how they threw me over the edge. phu had to take off so it was just me and the cuz remaining. then shot #2 came around… then the wonderful aroma of mozzerella sticks wafted through the bar… instant drunken starvation… so we finished our drinks and in a drunken stupor walked over to dennys. thinking back i don’t remember walking to dennys i just remember all the sudden being there… time warp? i think so. atleast i arrived all in one piece… that would suck if my arm arrived coming out of my neck or worse…. ugh just irks me thinking about it.

so there we were at dennys… i ordered WAAAAY too much food… i repeat WAAAY too much food. i ate and ate until i felt like i was going to puke. so i went to the bathroom and did just that… puke. it made me feel much better but hell pukin’ in dennys is so gross! it’s denny’s for freakin sake! then after that little incident i went back to the table and began gulping down water like it was going out of style all the while watching these two dudes dance around like they were auditioning for “so you think you can dance”… good times! i was laughing at them until they decided to leave and one of them had the cutest effing dog i have ever seen in my entire life! it was called a “Chug”. Pretty much a mini pug because it’s a cross between a chiuaua and a pug… HOLY MOTHER OF WOA! it was sooooo cute. i wanted to put him in my purse and run out the door. i took pictures of him and was in love… then he was ripped away from me before i even realized what was going on :::tear::: i think dude realized i was plotting this evil puppy napping scheme in my head. he saw right through me. damn. 

so yeah after the festivities and being 1am or so it was time to call it a night.

good times were had by all.

(3 votes, average: 4.33 out of 5)

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4.30pm brooksy picks me up from home, and takes me to his work, i start drinking.

5.30pm we are on the road and headed to melbourne

7pm arrived at kenzas, head down to Dan Murphys to buy more grog

7.15pm Into it…
3 six packs, southern comfort, jagermeister, johnny walker and passion pop…
between the three of us.

~9.30pm (…DRUNK) Head to the corner to see TZU , Butterfingers, MC Lars….
I dont remember the taxi ride
~10pm arrive, kenzas forgotten his ticket, he and brooksy go back home to look for it (i’ll let them tell their story after this… )
Brooksy tells me to go inside to see who’s there, and they’ll be back shortly

12pm I get a phone call from brooksy (which i dont remember) saying we arent coming back.
I figured they’d just go to emjies going away thing, since that was always the backup plan, and what we were going to do after the gig.

~10pm – 1am Drink with random people, chat with MC Lars, drink wtih more random people… and yet more random people

~1am, get asked to leave, the gigs over… i dont remember TZU at all, and only one of butterfingers songs
Head outside, walk…. get half lost…. ring brooksy… no answer, ring kenza… no answer… try again and again, never an answer, ring jessie… she answers but says nothing, so i thougth she didnt answer….

….phone dies…..
….have NO money…..

somehow eventually i hail down a taxi, climb in, and he takes me back to kenzas….
get there, remember i have no money, so use my card… he accepts it, only.. in the mornin i find out it was declined… FREE TAXI RIDE

Go to the front door, locked…
Climb the balcany, remember thinking, im drunk, if i fall… i’ll probably die….
Get on the balcony, door… locked… window…. locked
Climb back down

Walk down the street, round the corner, down the alley behind his place, jump the fence… wrong fence, im in the neighbours yard….
jump the fence again, and im in kenzas back yard now… ok

go to the back door, LOCKED
FUCK

then it hits me…. i remember before we left, the window to the bathroom was open… on the second floor

Only, its about 2 meters higher then the roof…
so…. i walk around the backyard looking for stuff to stand on, find empty milk crates… throw them onto the roof, BANG….. BANG…. nobody hears me

I climb the fence, climb into a tree, then on to the neighbours roof, walk along their roof, then jump on to kenzas roof…
walk along, collecting my milk crates as I go
Stack them up under the window, stand on them… fall off them
stack them up again… neatly this time… stand on them, still have to jump heaps to make the window, climb through and sit in the window thinking IVE MADE IT….

Its 4.30am… NO IDEA where the last 3 hours have gone
cant even remember where i got the time from

then realise i dont know how to get on to the floor… so i pretty much fall gracefully to the bathroom floor

walk around the house looking for a doona… everywhere, except kenzas room, and wills room, which the doors are closed.
give up and grab a towel, head downstairs, put on my jacket, (it was FREEZING) lie on the couch and fall asleep

wake up in the morning to maccas, as a reconciliation gift form brooksy and kenza…. they were home all along… and didnt hear a thing

not long after, get a phone call on brooksys phone from jessie… who was worried sick, coz of the phone call, and then couldnt get through to me, pkus a random message from a random number saying ‘get here now’

decde i’ll catch the 3.30 home… race to the station, JUST make it there on time… but it turns out.. theres no 3.30, just a 4.53, so i walk to the city, get some maccas, walk some more, watch some buskers, walk back to the station, and go home.

The end.
PS Im still alive

(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

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It’s officially now an international event. According to australias triple j… Started by loudnlocal.com, the day after boxing day now goes by the title of “jocks day” no pants, that’s the only rule… Get on it!!!!!!

(2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)

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k, so after a quiet bottle of red, i felt compiled to post….

saw this and was a little but very freakin impressed…. try blow one of these and i’ll think your a champ… but PLAY with it…. yeah nar, not gonna happen…

just watch this…

dolphins = smarts

(2 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)

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Felt like poop All day but went meh went beer got involved, still felt less than average (and half deaf) but on the way home when the cabby started talkin crap I knew it was my time to shine. In the end distracted him enough that he had no idea how much the 20 buck ride was supposed to cost so asked me what it usually is … 5 dollars I told him……… Apparently good enough for him! Lj would be proud.

(2 votes, average: 2.50 out of 5)

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bored… plus cbf = ergh

bored plus cbf plus ergh = beers

beers + rugby on tv = hazah!

wtf… australia vs new zealand… in hong kong!? meh… i got nothin better to do, go aussie!

(4 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)

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Hahaha funniest thing ever…. Just saw a guy riding his bike using a bowl taped to his head with gaffa tape as his helmet, gold!

(4 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)

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Sometimes I think Gmail’s getting too big for its britches.

I must have spent 15 minutes refreshing my inbox waiting for the fucking password for this fucking site, when I thought “I better check my spam”.

Mother fucker.

(5 votes, average: 2.60 out of 5)

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Duellsy thought this was the funniest thing he had ever seen. Thank god i had my phone handy otherwise i would have never heard the last of it. Respect..

(4 votes, average: 3.75 out of 5)

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k, post one, so in setting the mood… pissedramblings.com came about as a mix of all of these bits:

a drunk moment…

a drunk idea…

a drunk conception…

a drunkly built site….

so get smashed, and post your stupid ramblings… if only to read them again the next day… not that we condone, endorse, support, encourage or approve of getting blind or anything… it was just a good idea at the time.

and now, its time for bed. bye

(4 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)

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